Tuesday, July 18, 2006

Goa Express

2779 up & 2780 down , Goa Express. The train that transports me between college and home. Give me a choice with the options and I pick up Goa. The unpredictable and moody train. Cos in one appearance you can be the hotspot with your idiotic "made in China" walkman and cassettes of Kal Ho na Ho or Bryan Adams "The Best of me" & the oher appearance when you are carrying a Panasonic CD man & virtually every song relevant to the time on a 700 MB disc, just to find out that the other guy in your compartment is doing it on a TOSHIBA lappy. Now this lappy incident I tell you, you bring such kind of things in the sleeper class of Goa ann people gather around it as if a diffused bomb which was set to explode in the compartment, has been put on show. No wonder the guy outperformed me.

Contacts. This word strikes your mind when you are to spend 26 hours with the seven other people in your compartment. Now who these people are , depends more on your luck than the mercy of the computerized reservation system. Why I say this cos 6 out of 10 times you can't expect to sit on your allotted berth. There you learn what adjustment is all about. And interestingly you'll observe that whenever people want you to "adjust", they'll send the females traveling with them to make the request (maybe the fact that they give you little option to say no). Back to the 7 people, so out of these 7 you tend to choose the best (who suits you, maybe by age or better say by face). Thus one develops contacts. The initial part of the contact building session is just like a messenger window. Thereafter its upto you how much further you can take it. People chatting in a train have only one aim, kill time. Once you deboard the train, you never see the person again (yes you can delete the numbers from your phonebook... unpleasant but true).

The gentry in the AC is mostly the same but its the sleeper class where you'll find a lot of interesting homo sapiens. I remember once I was with these men from the "Poona race course", very decent till... two foreigners showed up at Agra. I tell you they literally had their tongues hanging out (balls that is crazy man). Now when we have come to the topic let me tell you that Goa express has one of the best crowds on board wen it comes to dames (a substitute I use for chics). I can't forget this bonny girl who chatted with me or better say made me talk (I can't go on speaking uselessly by myself) for nearly 5 hours. All she had to talk about was boys and nearly a dozen of her fake dates with some imaginary dudes (believe me I am pretty good at catching lies which are very obvious ones, huh). Not to mention, I also poured some where I went out with dames (now this happens as frequently as a solar eclipse in my life). So you know now, whats the best company you can ask for.

Another important feature is the "Manmad Junction" en route. This stoppage serves as a natural alarm to disrupt your sleep. Both ways up or down its arrival time's in the morning. The vocal chords of the vendors here have taken Darwin's theory of adaptation too seriously. If you can still afford to be asleep among all this you can't escape the eunuchs who make sure before they leave that everybody is in a state of shock, leave alone sleep.

So this was something about how I spend my 26 hours in there. When you step down the train u hardly have time to look back, rush baby.......

Tuesday, April 04, 2006

BSNL Helpline

Me: Hello
Him: Hello
Me: Yea BSNL customer care?
Him: Yes
Me: Yea I wanted my telephone line to switch to tone dial.
Him: Kya??
Me: I want my telephone line to switch to tone dial.
Him: Ek min mai zara aapki baat karwata hun.
(another voice)
Him: Yes sir?
Me: Hello, I want my telephone line to switch to tone dial.
Him: Why?
Me: I want to connect to the internet through my telephone line.
Him: So?
Me: So the thing is that I need tone dial to do that.
Him: What do you have now?
Me: Pulse dial of course.
Him: Toh us se nahi chalega kya?
Me: Nahi.
Him: Why?
Me: Cos my modem doesn't support pulse dial.
Him: Switching to tone dial it'll work?
Me: Yes, can u do that now please (was kinda irritated up now)
Him: Tumhe kaise pata?
Me: I am doing computer engineering . I know. Aap bas kar dijiye.
Him: Well sir aapne bekaar hi is call me paise waste kiye. Iske liye to application lagegi.
Me: What ye toll free no. nahi hai?
Him: Nahi to.
Me: But yahan to likha hai ki 1547 toll free hai
Him: Aapne 1547 milaya hai kya??
(I hung up the phone)

This happened with me one year back trying to connect to internet through bsnl dial up. I did find a way somehow to switch my landline to tone dial but this was really a hell of a conversation. I swear if at all i meet the person somewhere I have a punch reserved for him.

Friday, March 24, 2006

Birthdays @campus

There was a time when, if it was somebody's birthday, then I got up early in the morning (of course if at all I remembered the date), call the person, wish him/her and then we used to go out for the treats in the evening. And now... baby!! Birthdays are over by the morning. Night is the time where the action belongs to (people have turned nocturnal). And when I say action I do mean the default idea, one of the kind we see in the movies. The birthday boy (hope this is not a tradition with girls) is like a culprit sentenced to a strange kind of punishment (we call it celebration), which comes in the form of people kicking his butt and makin sure when they're done that the guy moans whenever he makes use of his nates.

Some tips for the birthday night outs :-

  • Remember you don't need an invitation for this cameo. They are meant for the treats.
  • There are 2 ways to hang him. First make him stand upright with arms stretched out in opposite directions & second, 4 people lift him up. What follows are kicks in both cases. The latter being more painful (take it from me, have suffered both kind of tortures)
  • Don't wear any apparels (watches etc) & keep your cellphones with somebody else during your hitting.
  • Don't forget to save a piece of cake for yourself before u stick some to the poor guy's face. Later you won't get any.
  • Instead of using your handkerchief, use the "official" one, the shirt of the birthday boy.
Now imagine the irony when he has to treat people who just made a vital part of his body "unusable" for a few days. Well this is the way birthdays go now & I tell you it is an experience you should have once in your lifetime.