The Last Name Conundrum

When is it okay to ask someone what their last name is?

What’s wrong you ask? Nothing. In fact, we have all laughed at one of the comic variations of the famous 007 phrase “Bond… James Bond”. So the last name, as a piece of information, is something we all take very casually. But think again, when was the last time you told someone your last name? Not unless you were introducing yourself in a formal setting or filling up an application form. In all casual conversations we pretty much stick to the first name basis. Try to recollect the conversation you had with that friend of your friend last weekend (specifically when both of you introduced yourselves). No last names you see. But why does it matter at all? Well…

The flight back from India (DEL-JFK) is a long flight of almost 15 hours. You can’t sit in one place for that long. So you usually take strolls up and down the cabin, hang around the snack galley to kill time, change posture etc. On my trip back from India last month, I did the same. During the last of my half a dozen trips to the galley, the cute girl who boarded the plane in Delhi, two zones ahead of me, was also on her trip out of her seat. And imagine, she wasn't able to find a cup for the orange juice she wanted. So I, being a true representative of the species of my kind of guys, helped her to the rack of cups. We hit it off instantly. During the next couple of hours of standing in that galley, she graduated from juice to wine and I graduated from being nice to funny. We covered a whole lot of topics from travel to tech, from movies to books, from food to fashion, from academics to politics and what not. Discussing these topics with someone less knowledgeable than you is always fun (otherwise it’s informative). It was almost the most pleasant date I have had in recent times. But as all good things must come to an end, we hit turbulence. The staring flight attendant was finally within her rights to instruct us to go back to our seats at once and fasten our seat belts. Sensing that we’ll have to break up immediately, all I could hurriedly manage was “By the way, I am Shubham”. She reciprocated with the cutest smile on her face and we shook hands before saying bye. We landed shortly and thanks to frequent flyers’ collective tendency of premature evacuation, I didn't get to see her again in the immigration line. But post the 2 hour non-stop chatting, we were not strangers anymore. I knew her name, the university she goes to, where she lived, her hometown, her field of study, some books she liked among many other things. I thought our impromptu date was enough to send a friend request without sounding creepy. But I didn’t realize I was missing a critical piece. Her last name.

Needless to say that I looked her up everywhere I could. I even outsourced the job to a friend who is a self-proclaimed specialist in Facebook stalking. She employed some novel ideas I have to admit, but to no avail. We needed a last name to narrow down our search (and that girl in seat 18A needs a better social presence). So when is it okay to ask for the last name? Because it’s akin to saying that I am going to look you up on Facebook/LinkedIn/Twitter or anywhere I could find you. It’s almost like asking for someone’s number indicating that you are interested to explore this interaction further. Be it a girl you like or any other person you want to network with for a job opportunity etc. But that is something we all have done one way or the other. So note to self: ask for the last name if you genuinely like someone. Don’t leave it to the social networks. Also, if you happen to be at the other end of this story and want someone to reach out to you, then please make it a point to let them know your last name too.

Not that this was a question of life and death but just imagine what we could have said had it happened, "We met on a plane".

Non-rev Travel

“What do you mean you’ll decide on the way?” she said, understandably looking confused. This was in response to what I said when she had asked me when was my flight back. And then I explained it to her too, like I have to dozens of my other friends.

I work for an airline and like any employee of any other airline around the world I too, get flight benefits. Chipotle employees get free burritos, physicians get free medical insurance, Amazon employees probably never pay for shipping and so on. We? We get free flights. Flight benefits or the Non-revenue (Non-rev) travel is what this is about and I hope by the time you are finished reading this post, I would have given you an idea of how we, the airline employees travel.

So let me first explain how it works. Let’s say there are 186 seats (16 in First and 170 in coach class) on an A321 aircraft going from PHX to SNA (We breathe these 3 character codes day in and day out). The airline manages to sell its entire First class cabin and 150 out of 170 seats in coach. This means that there are 20 seats on this aircraft, which are going to fly unclaimed. Really? No, let me correct my last sentence. There are 20 seats on this aircraft for which the airline is not going to collect any revenue. They become Non-revenue seats. Since the plane will fly to SNA anyway, the airlines let their employees travel on these seats for free or for a nominal charge (which is like buying chewing gum, really). This is called Non-Rev Travel. The travel, for which the airline doesn’t make any revenue, but provides as a benefit to its employees. These benefits can also be extended to our spouses or girlfriends/boyfriends, parents and children.

Now take a moment to comprehend what this means for us. And let me help you with some examples (this part is going to make you feel jealous). This means that long distance relationships are not really long distance for us. Depending upon the flight schedules we can actually go have dinner after day’s work with a significant other working in a city 1500 miles away and still show up to work the next day. Or for a more relaxed itinerary, we can attend lunches, dinners, birthday parties, family functions etc. over a weekend almost anywhere in the country just as easily as we would attend those in our city. There have been times that I have gone back to my college campus just to watch a movie with friends. My favorite is the time when I missed a flight to California. I did not want to go back home from the airport so I took the flight to Puerto Vallarta in Mexico instead and I had a good time. Think absolute randomness, on crack.

Airports are our second home. We move through the airports like Matt Damon in a Bourne movie. We always have a packed carry on ready to go at a moment’s notice. We can breeze through the security lanes and make other bookings for our trip (hotels, tours etc.) on the fly, literally. We have seen more places than any average person, gone to those corners of the world where you would never plan a trip otherwise. Heck some of us have more flying hours than some pilots.

So all this sounds really cool doesn’t it? Well, now let me show you the other side of the coin. I spoke about the unsold seats before, which is what our whole travel plan is based upon.  Do we always have unsold seats on a flight? Hell no. What happens if there were no unsold seats on a flight that we wanted to Non-rev on? Nothing, we simply don’t get to fly on it. Suck it up and either go back home or wait for the next flight (which might also be sold out again). Ever seen those 3-4 passengers hanging around the boarding area close to the gate who look oblivious to the boarding announcements and everything else happening around? That’s us. We are praying for a couple of you to forget to wake up in time, get stuck in the traffic, get delayed through security, go to the wrong gate or miss your connection (I know, that’s mean). Anything that leaves your seat unclaimed before it’s time for the flight to takeoff and get those seats assigned to us.  But do you see the problem with that? We can’t ‘plan’ for our trips!! We don’t know until the very last moment whether we are going to get on the flight or not. Well, usually we have enough information about the flight loads to make a call beforehand, but more often than not, it comes down to the scenario mentioned above. Sometimes we get to the airport in the morning but are only able to fly out in the night after 4 scheduled departures. I have slept over at a Hawaii airport because I couldn’t get on the last flight out of the island. Mostly, our trips are short weekend trips where we plan too much in too little time. We can beat you hands down on the quantity of the trip count but the quality would be up for debate.

So it’s not all that rosy. But don’t get me wrong. Flight benefits are undoubtedly one of the best benefits an employer could offer (go back to hating us). But if you do the math and try to quantify the benefits we get, it doesn’t come out to more than 25 grands of pre-tax money. So if an employer pays me 25 grands extra than what I make today, I can very well sustain my current travel habits. Given the fact that airlines are not the best paymasters, you can too. It’s just a mental block to think that you can’t travel like us because you don’t work for an airline.

After flying my brains out for the past 4 years, I have realized it’s not about how much I pay to make all these amazing trips or whether I get my flights for free. It’s about the wanderlust. The knowledge of the world, the right and wrong, acquired through experience. If I make you a News Reporter tomorrow and tell you that’s only job you can have in the whole world, then you will learn reporting the News. And you’ll get good at it. I have learned that all you need to do your job well in the corporate world is a decent IQ, communication skills and common sense. And trust me, nothing inculcates more common sense in you than traveling. Take a couple of trips alone and by the end of it you’ll find yourself to be a much more confident and smarter self. Just take it from me.

So just pack your bags, pick a destination and take that trip you always wanted to take. You won't regret it. Fly safe. 

The Year 25

So it's been over 4 years since I wrote something... should tell you that I have been busy. But really? Nah... I've always had things to do but somewhere in the busyness of life I forgot to take time out for myself. Many of us don't realize the importance of this but we all should. So on my 26th birthday, when I still have finals and a presentation due tomorrow morning, I choose to take some time out for myself and do what I have not done for so long, what I love doing... write.

And yes, out of all the potential topics I have thought to write about in the past 4 years that could never materialize, I'm gonna go with the moment and write about you. Because you are very dear to me and I can't stop thinking about you.

The year 25

Things don't become possessions easily. It comes either through a profound sense of belonging or an event that develops the fondness. I can say you were a mix of both. When we first came face to face, I had no tingling sensation, no sixth sense, no awe nothing... so by all means nothing extraordinary. After all, you had to happen and we both knew we'd part ways in an year. But as we spent time, I grew fond of you. So much that by the end of it I was crazily in love with you and never wanted to let you go. You truly had a transformational effect on me.

It was a new setting for me. I was there because of the choices I made. Choices that I can admit today, I did not fully understand. Fittingly, it was not like a kid in the toy store that I had expected. I started rather in a shell and I'm glad that I did. Because coming out of the shell is an experience I enjoyed to the hilt. At 25, I could actually observe the process and marvel at its phases. Have you ever observed a small child who comes to your house as a guest? Afraid at first... hiding behind his parents for that sense of protection. But once he has spent time with you and your toys, he couldn't just sit at one place. It was like that for me. Being a total child as I am, I was afraid at first> I think it was one of the deepest rooted fear of mine, being unsure of yourself and intimidated by the flair of others. But you showed me how these 'others' are just like me. How when you know how to play with the toy... it doesn't matter.

I started becoming fearless. Taking up things I wouldn't otherwise, doing things I would never do. With each one of those things that I did for the first time, you showed me how little did I know about the world. Imagine I gave up Windows and tried Mac. It was not just a change in the OS of my pc, you taught me how to embrace change. How its okay not to be the best as long as I'm enjoying the cruise. How important it is to know the counter argument of an argument before you make an opinion. In the classrooms I'm now learning what I don't know... not what I'm good at, my list reads golf, salsa and guitar, I impress myself by making bread omelets, noodles and dal, my mom compliments me on my vegetable cutting skills and I'm earning some change too... in short, I'm having fun.

But like all good things, you had to end. Tonight I realized that its time to bid farewell to you. But tonight, after turning 26, I also realized that I'm growing old. When I was with you I felt so much younger. 10 years ago when I was in the 11th standard someone asked me the question "Where do you want to be in 10 years?" I think I answered that I want to earn lots of money and be a boss. I realized that it's actually been 10 years and the answer could be validated today. Was sitting in a classroom in California speaking to an audience in a suit part of my plan at all? Did I become someone's boss and did I earn lots of money? Did I fail the 16 year old me? You could argue but what I say today is... who cares. Life is all about the choices you make and have fun in the process. In 10 years from now I just want to be healthy, wealthy and wise. More importantly I want to be happy. The world is a much better place when you are happy.

Soo, I know you had to go and I know we'll never see each other again. But I will always cherish the time spent with you and you'll always have a special place in my life (writing a post vindicates it huh?). Thank you for teaching me how to love myself... again. I bid goodbye to you with content n my heart that I treated you well and promise that I'll keep having fun. Whatever I do.

Gunite.

Talli

"Been there, done that", something i always wanted to say whenever people used to talk about being 'talli'. And u bet, i say that now ;). Three years now that I have been in the BandF arena, I had always wanted to have that feeling. The feeling that finds its description with most people as "seeexxyyyy", "relaxed", "slow", "awwww....", "don't ask me man", "oh, you'll be laughing riots" and lots like dat. So what is this all about??...well...me FINALLY having that feeling.


I was walking, made up my mind to start from monday which meant that I got this one more night to spend or better say, kill. So I had arranged some stuff on the external HDD or I cud have gone back to 'The Godfather' left at page 153. But then, down my apartment I saw my roommate in our balcony. He was surprisingly home and more to my surprise had his books open. But for those who don't know us, when both of us are staring out of the balcony means we are NOT gonna study. Eventually one would ask "kuch karna hai??" and as always the answer came..."chalo". So keeping off where we went and what we did, it straight comes to a point where we are lying down on the floor (nehh not yet). I was still attentive and probably so, he asked, "you don't feel anything??". I checked again and said "not yet". Perhaps I should have not said so, because that made us "go on". And bang that time i chuckled whoww. They had made their attack and now I was moving, floating and finally... got hit. And it all came true, my wish. But now, something I never wondered, what'll I be doing in this state??. Good sometimes you should have these 'fresh' experiences. I was thinking, anything and everything, giving myself proofs that I was still in control. But talking, was the last thing i wanted to do right now, so wen my partner in crime asked "feeling good...haan??"(no wonder he was not enquiring this time), I just nodded thinking that even he doesn't bother much. After all he is in the same state as mine, just that I am on a debut :P

So I was resisting still, what to do??...sing along? And now it became very clear why comfortably numb was called so and why the number was so damn popular with the buggers. Its funny how it puts you in a different world. You realize the significance of the hazy motion of the lights in Rang De Basanti, or other portrayals of the talli state. They're all true. And trust me, you can admire em only when you've been here.
It took me another hour or so to figure out that the end of this is gonna be when I give up. The more I try, I'll sink more. So all the effort left in me, I spent to acquire a decent position before I... passed out.


PS: This has been written in the "hangover" state.

Goa Express

2779 up & 2780 down , Goa Express. The train that transports me between college and home. Give me a choice with the options and I pick up Goa. The unpredictable and moody train. Cos in one appearance you can be the hotspot with your idiotic "made in China" walkman and cassettes of Kal Ho na Ho or Bryan Adams "The Best of me" & the oher appearance when you are carrying a Panasonic CD man & virtually every song relevant to the time on a 700 MB disc, just to find out that the other guy in your compartment is doing it on a TOSHIBA lappy. Now this lappy incident I tell you, you bring such kind of things in the sleeper class of Goa ann people gather around it as if a diffused bomb which was set to explode in the compartment, has been put on show. No wonder the guy outperformed me.

Contacts. This word strikes your mind when you are to spend 26 hours with the seven other people in your compartment. Now who these people are , depends more on your luck than the mercy of the computerized reservation system. Why I say this cos 6 out of 10 times you can't expect to sit on your allotted berth. There you learn what adjustment is all about. And interestingly you'll observe that whenever people want you to "adjust", they'll send the females traveling with them to make the request (maybe the fact that they give you little option to say no). Back to the 7 people, so out of these 7 you tend to choose the best (who suits you, maybe by age or better say by face). Thus one develops contacts. The initial part of the contact building session is just like a messenger window. Thereafter its upto you how much further you can take it. People chatting in a train have only one aim, kill time. Once you deboard the train, you never see the person again (yes you can delete the numbers from your phonebook... unpleasant but true).

The gentry in the AC is mostly the same but its the sleeper class where you'll find a lot of interesting homo sapiens. I remember once I was with these men from the "Poona race course", very decent till... two foreigners showed up at Agra. I tell you they literally had their tongues hanging out (balls that is crazy man). Now when we have come to the topic let me tell you that Goa express has one of the best crowds on board wen it comes to dames (a substitute I use for chics). I can't forget this bonny girl who chatted with me or better say made me talk (I can't go on speaking uselessly by myself) for nearly 5 hours. All she had to talk about was boys and nearly a dozen of her fake dates with some imaginary dudes (believe me I am pretty good at catching lies which are very obvious ones, huh). Not to mention, I also poured some where I went out with dames (now this happens as frequently as a solar eclipse in my life). So you know now, whats the best company you can ask for.

Another important feature is the "Manmad Junction" en route. This stoppage serves as a natural alarm to disrupt your sleep. Both ways up or down its arrival time's in the morning. The vocal chords of the vendors here have taken Darwin's theory of adaptation too seriously. If you can still afford to be asleep among all this you can't escape the eunuchs who make sure before they leave that everybody is in a state of shock, leave alone sleep.

So this was something about how I spend my 26 hours in there. When you step down the train u hardly have time to look back, rush baby.......

BSNL Helpline

Me: Hello
Him: Hello
Me: Yea BSNL customer care?
Him: Yes
Me: Yea I wanted my telephone line to switch to tone dial.
Him: Kya??
Me: I want my telephone line to switch to tone dial.
Him: Ek min mai zara aapki baat karwata hun.
(another voice)
Him: Yes sir?
Me: Hello, I want my telephone line to switch to tone dial.
Him: Why?
Me: I want to connect to the internet through my telephone line.
Him: So?
Me: So the thing is that I need tone dial to do that.
Him: What do you have now?
Me: Pulse dial of course.
Him: Toh us se nahi chalega kya?
Me: Nahi.
Him: Why?
Me: Cos my modem doesn't support pulse dial.
Him: Switching to tone dial it'll work?
Me: Yes, can u do that now please (was kinda irritated up now)
Him: Tumhe kaise pata?
Me: I am doing computer engineering . I know. Aap bas kar dijiye.
Him: Well sir aapne bekaar hi is call me paise waste kiye. Iske liye to application lagegi.
Me: What ye toll free no. nahi hai?
Him: Nahi to.
Me: But yahan to likha hai ki 1547 toll free hai
Him: Aapne 1547 milaya hai kya??
(I hung up the phone)

This happened with me one year back trying to connect to internet through bsnl dial up. I did find a way somehow to switch my landline to tone dial but this was really a hell of a conversation. I swear if at all i meet the person somewhere I have a punch reserved for him.

Birthdays @campus

There was a time when, if it was somebody's birthday, then I got up early in the morning (of course if at all I remembered the date), call the person, wish him/her and then we used to go out for the treats in the evening. And now... baby!! Birthdays are over by the morning. Night is the time where the action belongs to (people have turned nocturnal). And when I say action I do mean the default idea, one of the kind we see in the movies. The birthday boy (hope this is not a tradition with girls) is like a culprit sentenced to a strange kind of punishment (we call it celebration), which comes in the form of people kicking his butt and makin sure when they're done that the guy moans whenever he makes use of his nates.

Some tips for the birthday night outs :-

• Remember you don't need an invitation for this cameo. They are meant for the treats.
• There are 2 ways to hang him. First make him stand upright with arms stretched out in opposite directions & second, 4 people lift him up. What follows are kicks in both cases. The latter being more painful (take it from me, have suffered both kind of tortures)
• Don't wear any apparels (watches etc) & keep your cellphones with somebody else during your hitting.
• Don't forget to save a piece of cake for yourself before u stick some to the poor guy's face. Later you won't get any.
• Instead of using your handkerchief, use the "official" one, the shirt of the birthday boy.

Now imagine the irony when he has to treat people who just made a vital part of his body "unusable" for a few days. Well this is the way birthdays go now & I tell you it is an experience you should have once in your lifetime.